You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
