I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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