i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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