I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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