Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize