Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
