It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
