the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize