the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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