yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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