We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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