I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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