I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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