dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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