I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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