Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
