Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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