I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
