I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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