Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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