i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
