sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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