She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
