Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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