its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
