isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I touched a dick in church today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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