Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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