My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
