Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
