worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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