i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
