Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
