Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
