Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
