you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
