i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I want a musical about memes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
