evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
