non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
