UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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