How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
