he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
