My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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