it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
