Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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