My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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