I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
