I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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