Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
