Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I supernannyed him into submission
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
