Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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