Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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