I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
