I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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