This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
