my being single is dangerous.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
