At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
