he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
