and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
