Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
