yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
