I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
