Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
