i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
