just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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